Concerning the meaning of life:

Well, today I've been rather quiet. I've been feeling pretty rude, because I'm afraid I've been pushing too close to a few people in my life. And I know I'm just being a girl and thinking too much. But something else happened that snapped me out of my selfish reverie.

I was looking at one of my english-class buddy's wedding pictures on her blog... where she happened to casually mention that she has Cystic Fibrosis. She had posted some of her poetry on there, as well as some pretty insightful and entertaining anecdotes from newly-married life. Her writing is really amazing (she won first prize in poetry at the Pre-professional conference), and it really really meant something to me. I really admire her as a person, literature critic, and writer. But people with cystic fibrosis don't usually live past their 30s or 40s, and many die in their early twenties. She said she faces her mortality every day. And yet there is so much meaning in her life!

So today I've been pretty introverted. If I applied myself, my talents, and my resources half as diligently as she does, who knows where I would be right now? So I have spent most of my waking hours today (admittedly fewer in number than normal) studying for my British Literature midterm. I don't want to just coast anymore, I'm sick of underachieving. What happened to Escondido? Didn't I used plan on becoming a hidden giant?

Escondido
Stacy Garner,2008
If I could unleash my one self on the world
I would take to the stage,
Read my soul to the countless age;
Gold would flash the skies.

If I could fly up and touch the peaks above
You would see me anew,
Breathtaking like the mountain view;
Wind across the eyes.

If I could reach out to the years soon to come
I would hold you to me,
Savor love that has yet to be;
Tiny angel eyes.

If I could repeat all the wonders I've seen
You would find only words,
Messages for the passing herds;
writing in the skies.