Help!

Okay peoples--

I have to turn in a short story to my creative writing teacher, and I am scared!!! He grades us based on how he thinks we compare with our peers. Last time I didn't realize that, and just brought in a draft to workshop, but he wasn't impressed and wanted me to totally redo it!! I just kind of nodded, but of course I was thinking, "You can't make me!" But then I saw my grade. I have a 76 in the class!!!!!! And I have been putting in a lot of effort! True, most of our midterm grade was determined by a VERY insignificant assignment I happened to miss and think nothing of... But apparently it was worth enough to drag the rest of my high scores to a C.

Soooo, I need to bring up my grade. And quickly. Which is why I am asking for help!!! Please check out my latest story on my writing blog (caseystarma.blogspot) and tell me what to improve, and what doesn't work for you. I would reeeeally appreciate it.